Self-reflection Sunday: Self confident?



Today's another Self-reflection Sunday and we're going to be talking about confidence.

No matter how happy, well balanced or confident we now are, we have all at some point in our lives felt unsure of ourselves, some of us more than others.

With my VIVA VOCE (Postgraduate final dissertation exam/presentation) coming up confidence is something that's been on my mind a lot and I thought, what a perfect time to share some experience and tips to improving your confidence.

I can admit that I've definitely had my fair share of insecurities but in order to build our confidence we need to first look at the reasons and causes for are low self confidence.
What makes us confident, and what takes it away?

I don't want this post to be about my sob stories, I'm very pleased to report I live a happy adult life, but to serves an example I've certainly never been the most confident of people, and as a result I've missed a lot of great opportunities.

When I was younger, I spent a lot of time (wasted time) playing the blame game for my lack of self confidence, but it took me a long time to realise that it wasn't helping me find happiness. I started to look within myself for the route of my low self-esteem and that's where my little story ends and my advice can hopefully serve to help you or maybe someone you know.


The first and important step to improving our self confidence is to look at the things that make us feel insecure but also the things that give us confidence. The aim is not to find places to lay blame but to recognise the cause for low self-esteem so we can then work on it.

Here's an example of some of the things that came up on my list. Have a look and see how you score on a scale of 1 (low confidence) to 10 (high confidence). Then make your own list and see not only where you might lack confidence but also where you have confidence, you'll be surprised to see that you can probably find quite a few things that you are confident with.

              Teaching a big group                                  8
              Meeting new people                                    2
              Driving a car                                              3
              Finishing a super sudoku                             9
              Doing well in an interview                            7
              Trying an actors improvisation class              1
              Putting together flat pack furniture               9
              Playing a competitive sport                          3
              Swimming 100m                                        4
              Cooking a meal for my friends                      7

So just from my list you can see I have a real mix of lower and higher self confidence in a lot of different things! I'm sure you'll find you do too!

The next step is to separate these out into two groups of high and low and see what it is about that situation that makes me (and you) more or less confident. You might even find a trend in each group.

Although there's a few outliers (I'm just not a good swimmer) I found a pretty strong trend in both my strengths and weaknesses. The situations that make me the least confident are those with competition, or when I have to either meet people on a more personal level or if I don't know what to expect from other people. Driving is a perfect example of this. I find driving very nerve racking because I don't know how to predict what other drivers might do, and improvisation is exactly the same!

But then on the opposite side the things I feel most confident about are things I'm practised at. In an interview or when I'm teaching I have confidence that I know my stuff, the same goes for cooking or sudoku, I've done it before and I know I can do it.

So straight away I can see the clear difference between what gives me confidence and what doesn't - the known, and the unknown! Finding that out was quite a break through for me and if you try it you might find it could be for you too!

But the most important thing to note here, is I haven't blamed anyone or anything. It's OK to recognise why something is, but you'll find that dwelling or blaming doesn't help you to move on, but recognising what causes you to feel less or more confident can be a great tool in building your confidence back.


We're only going to touch on step 2 this week but this next step looks at the areas where I or you want to improve our self confidence. At the moment I'm really enjoying learning about the theatre and acting for film, so learning to interact with others when I may not be able to anticipate their actions is really important.
But it doesn't have to be something from your list. Think of an area in your life where you would like to have more confidence.

At work or at home?
With your friends or family?
Meeting new people or making contacts at work?
Fixing the shower next time it breaks?
Any area of life that you're thinking "having the confidence to do that would really improve my life or open great opportunities for me".

Make a note of it now, and think about what it is that's making your less secure. If you can't think of one right now that's OK but have a think about it and try to write something down when it comes to you, it doesn't have to be anything big, any change is good change.

I don't want this post to be too long because building self-confidence doesn't happen over night so come back next week for the rest of STEP 2, but in the mean time really spend some time on STEP 1, and while you're thinking of those areas you'd like to improve for step 2, think how the things we found out from step 1 might help us to start improving out self confidence.

I'd love to know how you scored on my example list, and if you add anything to the list let me know in the comments below!
In fact if there's something particular you want to work on let me know and I'll try and include it in next weeks self-confidence guide.

Thanks for stopping by!!

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  1. This is great advice, loved reading this! I'm like you in that I'm more confident with things that I know and am comfortable with but am less confident in things I haven't done or practiced a lot.. I'm going to keep following this and can't wait for part 2!

    I've nominated you for the Inspiring Blogger Award, check it out here:


    1. Thanks Lauren, I'm glad you liked it, I can't wait to for tomorrows episode too I think it's a good one.

      Thank you so much for the award! These are so much fun I can't wait to do it! Thank you thank you! x


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